Going.. going.. dutch

(retrospective post for March-May 2009)

So the band are experiencing ‘musical differences’. Love ‘em. 15 and 16 years old and already being thrown about by group dynamics, mixed aspirations and basic clashes of taste and personality. And let’s develop the tried and tested cliché – three can be such a crowd when two are tight. Me and Nichole have used all our mum-wisdom to give it a positive twist – ‘if you’re into music and you think you’ll always be in bands, then you’ll always experience this stuff too.  This can be an early and useful lesson in how to deal with it.’

And it’s another truism (gosh I’m in philosophical mood today) that all through our lives, in work and in play, we’ll come across people that just don’t do it for us. And sometimes you can walk away. And other times you just have to put up and shut up – work colleagues of course, but also how about those dilemmas like when you can’t stand your best mate’s partner (you want to love them because your mate loves them and they love your mate), the in-laws (you’ll have to find a way of co-existing with them through Christmases, weddings and funerals), friends of friends that you bump into at other friends parties (and the irritation and skin-prickling starts right along with the small talk).

For me the answers tend towards the zen – remember compassion.. remember their humanity and try to find their positives.. remember patience.. firmly put in place the golden light that surrounds me and protects me from their bullshit.. hold in my heart the fact that this too shall pass (this time tomorrow I’ll be laughing about this wanker). Like I said, very Zen.

The boys have shown maturity beyond their years. They ‘ve sat down together several times and tried to air their grievances honestly and sensitively – even taking notes so they have an accurate record of what occurred.

As they were preparing for one of these meetings recently B & N were feeling really fed up about O’s attitude: he’s not prioritising the band; he’s only in it for the cred, not the music; he thinks it makes him look good in front of the girls. They decided that this time they were really going to confront him. The day of the meeting the first thing O said was ‘Hey guys, I just don’t think you’re taking this seriously – you’re only in the band to try and impress girls.”

Unfortunately it seems they’re at the point where they just can’t get beyond the irritations and annoyances, which in turn lead to resentments and bitterness, which now seem unsolvable. But hey – like I said- these are 15 and 16 year old lads and the fact that they’re even trying to talk through their issues and come up with solutions is admirable as far as I’m concerned – it’s a lot more than a lot of us ‘grown ups’ bother to do..

Go Dutch all go to the same school and in the summer of 2009 they sit their final GCSEs. After that B&N are going to one college, O to another. The GCSE’s include Music which they are all taking and are working collaboratively on some of the Music Performance requirements. The decision seems to be that they will all grit their teeth and soldier on together til June – they’ll play out their gig commitments and then they will go their separate ways.

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